I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
