Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
