dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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