One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
