It's like God shit irony all over that family
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I party with great urgency now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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