Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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