Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
