you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
