you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
