Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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