I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
