My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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