I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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