Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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