i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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