Where did you get a picture of my penis
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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