I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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