I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
