I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
