Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
