The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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