i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
