Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
