I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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