I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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