Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
