ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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