could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
