I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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