What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
