I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
