fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
