We named our party play list daddy issues
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
