i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Are we still banned from the library?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
