at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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