So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
