Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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