Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
