i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
