READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
