You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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