how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
