Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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