i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
