I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
