fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
