Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So vagazzling was a success
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
