it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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