good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
