They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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