just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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