May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
