so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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