Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
