Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
