My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
