Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
