...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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